Some years back when I was at IIT Delhi, our T shirts read SKY IS THE LIMIT. And with a lot of fire burning within us, the statement was neither an understatement nor it was a hyperbole. At best we found it to be a very reasonable statement. While there were people preparing to do the MS from the US, there were others who wanted to write the CAT and certainly there was a whole gang who was preparing for the Civil Services. While the others were almost certain of making it very big, the last group preparing for the Civil was most vulnerable. When people used to ask us, ‘What if it doesn’t happen?’ Fan is what we used to show others, for there was nothing beyond IAS which we could perceive.
Civil Services were not to be a profession for us. It was the purpose of our lives, for those madly motivated ones who had the biggest dreams in life. Reforming a system, fighting the corruption, causing revolution in the society was what we were working for, those night outs after night outs. At that time self motivation was the only way out, a self belief that even those hundreds of books were nothing compared to our caliber and what many were afraid to look eye to eye into, we were meant to take by the horns.
At least fame, name and the raw power was what we were all about to taste in our future, where ever we were and what ever we did. And then why shouldn’t SKY BE THE LIMIT. By the time the result of the Civil Services Exam was out and the Brilliant Tutorials was publishing our photographs in their advertisement, we were getting news of some of our friends getting into the gold mines of the i-banks at the IIMs. That was the time we believed, we literally had cracked three quarters of the competition and the name and fame would be automatic follow-up and that we had been able to frame our destiny, the way we wanted.
It is almost seven years since then. There was little news from any one, even the best friends were lost once they got married and they had little time to respond to your three pages long mails. The change was gradual, from long mails to smaller mails, from daily replies to weekly replies and then replies received in months. But there were some other facts of life. While almost each one was doing well where ever he was, none of us had been able to reach any where close to the sky, which continued to remain a forever challenge.
There were people in research working with noble laureates, people in IAS or IPS, people in Bank of America, Swiss Banks, doing family business but none was able to hijack the headlines of national newspapers or do something out of this world. Only some were earning more than the others while others were happier in their personal lives, though everyone was struggling like an island in self. The stage of expansion had been reached and now the people were consolidating things around themselves, building families, taking care of parents and some even beginning to plan future for their kids.
After seven years when I look back at my own performance, I have no regrets and actually a sense of satisfaction on my performance as an officer. I was the highest ranked in IAS in my IITD batch where over 90% failed to qualify and opted for other alternatives. As an officer in Civil Services, my profile could cause envy even in much senior officers. It was not only the type of postings but the performance which a civil servant dreams of but is rarely able to achieve owing to the tremendous pressure and risk. As a probationer I could improve my rank in the civil list to twelfth. As an SDO in my first posting I could sustain the pressure and threat from all ends and still go ahead and delete 2 lakh voters from 4 Assembly Constituencies when political people will not allow anyone delete even 50 names. I was there when a public sector unit was ordered closed by court and I had to ensure over 1300 staff took VRS in communist Bengal. And I had been told by the unions that even one person can be removed against their will and yet the company got closed against the will of all great and mighty ones.
I got transferred but it gave me an opportunity to handle Polio virus as well as I had handled the associations and unions. And my work was getting highlighted; I was getting noticed in the official and political circles. Despite my reluctance to meet the press, I could see that I had a tremendous image amongst the press. But still sky was nowhere to be touched. And then two cabinet ministers in the Government of India were selected for Parliament from Jangipur and Raiganj, places which had been my ‘Karmabhumi’.
And all this time I could not prevent but appreciate the Maslow’s theory. I had achieved financial stability, may be I had reached very high in power circles. After all sharing the stage and mike with Cabinet ministers two to three times a day is what people dream of as the ‘ultimate power’ belonging to the IAS. Then I was never low on spirituality. But in last seven years my parents had not grown any younger. I hardly got any time to come to home if they were not well or even during the festivals. Even when they came to Bengal, I was busy conducting night raids for collection of motor vehicle taxes. I was always motivated by targets, may be I never wanted to loose or may be those were my purpose of life or my path to touch the sky. Yet my parents never complained.
Yesterday, I went to Agra University with my mother who is a professor there. She was actually afraid to go with me. She kept on telling me that babus will not be available on the seat, I shouldn’t get angry with them. Government offices are not run the way I run them, there will be no officer in the office at 3 pm and she was correct. I told her that I used to sit in the collectorate till 9 pm and it used to be a crowd of visitors waiting to see me even till late evening until the orderlies would ask them to come the next day. And all the politicians would appreciate the revival of the ‘work culture’ in the collectorate.
But I don’t know if I was right or wrong. No value judgment as my staff and officers had tough time with me. The probationers who I worked with used to say during their farewell that they were lucky (or unlucky) to have worked with me in their first posting. May be I forced the rules and discipline into their heads and as they used to say they will never have tougher time in future having worked with the best (having worked with the worst as they would have loved to say.)
I remember last Diwali at Midnapur, even four phones were not sufficient to receive the phone calls which were coming without a break. This Diwali I got only one SMS from Bengal. I have learnt though at a cost, I can say, and that is why I moved for a study leave. I don’t want to touch the sky any more. I want to change my priorities. I was a Government Servant but I had other responsibilities as well and now I want to work for myself and my very small family also, my mother and my father to count the other two.
In Ahmedabad I learnt that there are no free lunches. For me absolute power was the reward and may be the tens of press reporters who used to sit continuously in the office of Chief Electoral Officer. For others their pay package can be the reward. In IIMA, the PGPs are having their summer placement and there is maximum competition for the Day Zero jobs. But when there can be no free lunch, what would be the cost of a One Fifty Thousand Dollar package? I can see with my experience but not every one sees what I see. As a probationer I was told something similar by one of our Deputy Director. We had laughed, we believed that the senior batches don’t want to separate with power; they don’t want the junior batches to see the real life.
Today I know that most of what we earn, we save in the bank; those are papers- a feeling of contentedness. What we spend is much less, but still people want to earn the most. Not because they want to spend more but because they believe in number hierarchy, in earning and in ranking, and they compete because they don’t want to let others win and themselves be counted as losers. And in the process we end up keeping our joy, our happiness, and our body and soul captives at times. But that is the cost one has to pay if he wants to touch the sky and certainly no one can stop others from attempting to touch the sky. And the sky remains, as it was, the limit, and even if the costs are high- the realization comes only when it is too late to recover them.
Civil Services were not to be a profession for us. It was the purpose of our lives, for those madly motivated ones who had the biggest dreams in life. Reforming a system, fighting the corruption, causing revolution in the society was what we were working for, those night outs after night outs. At that time self motivation was the only way out, a self belief that even those hundreds of books were nothing compared to our caliber and what many were afraid to look eye to eye into, we were meant to take by the horns.
At least fame, name and the raw power was what we were all about to taste in our future, where ever we were and what ever we did. And then why shouldn’t SKY BE THE LIMIT. By the time the result of the Civil Services Exam was out and the Brilliant Tutorials was publishing our photographs in their advertisement, we were getting news of some of our friends getting into the gold mines of the i-banks at the IIMs. That was the time we believed, we literally had cracked three quarters of the competition and the name and fame would be automatic follow-up and that we had been able to frame our destiny, the way we wanted.
It is almost seven years since then. There was little news from any one, even the best friends were lost once they got married and they had little time to respond to your three pages long mails. The change was gradual, from long mails to smaller mails, from daily replies to weekly replies and then replies received in months. But there were some other facts of life. While almost each one was doing well where ever he was, none of us had been able to reach any where close to the sky, which continued to remain a forever challenge.
There were people in research working with noble laureates, people in IAS or IPS, people in Bank of America, Swiss Banks, doing family business but none was able to hijack the headlines of national newspapers or do something out of this world. Only some were earning more than the others while others were happier in their personal lives, though everyone was struggling like an island in self. The stage of expansion had been reached and now the people were consolidating things around themselves, building families, taking care of parents and some even beginning to plan future for their kids.
After seven years when I look back at my own performance, I have no regrets and actually a sense of satisfaction on my performance as an officer. I was the highest ranked in IAS in my IITD batch where over 90% failed to qualify and opted for other alternatives. As an officer in Civil Services, my profile could cause envy even in much senior officers. It was not only the type of postings but the performance which a civil servant dreams of but is rarely able to achieve owing to the tremendous pressure and risk. As a probationer I could improve my rank in the civil list to twelfth. As an SDO in my first posting I could sustain the pressure and threat from all ends and still go ahead and delete 2 lakh voters from 4 Assembly Constituencies when political people will not allow anyone delete even 50 names. I was there when a public sector unit was ordered closed by court and I had to ensure over 1300 staff took VRS in communist Bengal. And I had been told by the unions that even one person can be removed against their will and yet the company got closed against the will of all great and mighty ones.
I got transferred but it gave me an opportunity to handle Polio virus as well as I had handled the associations and unions. And my work was getting highlighted; I was getting noticed in the official and political circles. Despite my reluctance to meet the press, I could see that I had a tremendous image amongst the press. But still sky was nowhere to be touched. And then two cabinet ministers in the Government of India were selected for Parliament from Jangipur and Raiganj, places which had been my ‘Karmabhumi’.
And all this time I could not prevent but appreciate the Maslow’s theory. I had achieved financial stability, may be I had reached very high in power circles. After all sharing the stage and mike with Cabinet ministers two to three times a day is what people dream of as the ‘ultimate power’ belonging to the IAS. Then I was never low on spirituality. But in last seven years my parents had not grown any younger. I hardly got any time to come to home if they were not well or even during the festivals. Even when they came to Bengal, I was busy conducting night raids for collection of motor vehicle taxes. I was always motivated by targets, may be I never wanted to loose or may be those were my purpose of life or my path to touch the sky. Yet my parents never complained.
Yesterday, I went to Agra University with my mother who is a professor there. She was actually afraid to go with me. She kept on telling me that babus will not be available on the seat, I shouldn’t get angry with them. Government offices are not run the way I run them, there will be no officer in the office at 3 pm and she was correct. I told her that I used to sit in the collectorate till 9 pm and it used to be a crowd of visitors waiting to see me even till late evening until the orderlies would ask them to come the next day. And all the politicians would appreciate the revival of the ‘work culture’ in the collectorate.
But I don’t know if I was right or wrong. No value judgment as my staff and officers had tough time with me. The probationers who I worked with used to say during their farewell that they were lucky (or unlucky) to have worked with me in their first posting. May be I forced the rules and discipline into their heads and as they used to say they will never have tougher time in future having worked with the best (having worked with the worst as they would have loved to say.)
I remember last Diwali at Midnapur, even four phones were not sufficient to receive the phone calls which were coming without a break. This Diwali I got only one SMS from Bengal. I have learnt though at a cost, I can say, and that is why I moved for a study leave. I don’t want to touch the sky any more. I want to change my priorities. I was a Government Servant but I had other responsibilities as well and now I want to work for myself and my very small family also, my mother and my father to count the other two.
In Ahmedabad I learnt that there are no free lunches. For me absolute power was the reward and may be the tens of press reporters who used to sit continuously in the office of Chief Electoral Officer. For others their pay package can be the reward. In IIMA, the PGPs are having their summer placement and there is maximum competition for the Day Zero jobs. But when there can be no free lunch, what would be the cost of a One Fifty Thousand Dollar package? I can see with my experience but not every one sees what I see. As a probationer I was told something similar by one of our Deputy Director. We had laughed, we believed that the senior batches don’t want to separate with power; they don’t want the junior batches to see the real life.
Today I know that most of what we earn, we save in the bank; those are papers- a feeling of contentedness. What we spend is much less, but still people want to earn the most. Not because they want to spend more but because they believe in number hierarchy, in earning and in ranking, and they compete because they don’t want to let others win and themselves be counted as losers. And in the process we end up keeping our joy, our happiness, and our body and soul captives at times. But that is the cost one has to pay if he wants to touch the sky and certainly no one can stop others from attempting to touch the sky. And the sky remains, as it was, the limit, and even if the costs are high- the realization comes only when it is too late to recover them.
1 comment:
excellent sir..............
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